A pivotal step in the process of healing from trauma can begin simply with acknowledgment. However, a rather human tendency is to immediately think about what’s next. To say to ourselves, “I guess I have to start digging myself out of this hole.” To question our sense of wholeness, “Well I’m broken aren’t I?” Healing can, at times, feel like an uphill battle toward an impossible standard of normality. What if healing was, instead, a slow descent inward? A process of coming into our sense of wholeness rather than carrying the burden of picking up our proverbial pieces. Redefining what life can look like in the face of circumstances over which we may have no control.
Negative thought patterns can be extremely sticky in the face of trauma. At times, trauma survivors may feel shame as it pertains to their experience, feeling as if the traumatic event happened because of who they are, a result of their actions, or despite them. In trauma recovery, kindness and self-compassion are essential. This doesn’t mean taking a “toxically positive” standpoint toward our trauma, insisting that everything is wonderful, and telling ourselves maybe it’s “not that bad.” Rather, it can look like, acknowledging things we truly believe about ourselves to encourage positive self-talk, without denying the difficulty of our experience. Having said that, it may be difficult to reflect on the question, what is true about me even in this pain?
It’s more than okay if an answer does not come easily. Right now, even affirmations—"I am resilient," "I am worthy of care," "I am more than what has happened to me"—can plant the seeds of healing. It allows us to shift our perspective from seeing ourselves as defined by our suffering to recognizing the depth of who we are, even in our most painful moments. Ultimately, our bodies, minds, and souls have a natural bent toward healing and growth. Our responses to trauma—whether emotional, physical, or behavioral—are not signs of weakness but natural survival mechanisms. Being gentle with ourselves means allowing space for grief, anger, confusion, and even numbness.
Practicing kindness also extends beyond self-talk. It can manifest in the way we care for our bodies, taking that extra 5 minutes in the shower to be present with ourselves. How we set boundaries, saying no to that additional work meeting rather than reworking your whole schedule to make it fit. In the who we choose to surround ourselves with, laughing with a friend, or playing with our pets.
Reactions to trauma can often feel isolating, making it easy to believe that we are alone in our suffering. Oftentimes it can be difficult to hold two things at once. That there is a common humanity in suffering, that everyone feels pain as if we are wired for struggle. And yet, we are all worthy of love and ultimately deserving of support and belonging despite our common imperfections. Your journey to wholeness may not look like someone else, and that is more than okay. You are here right now and that is enough.
Reaching out for support—whether from friends, family, support groups, or a therapist—can remind us that we are not meant to bear our pain in solitude. Compassion from others can reinforce the compassion we cultivate within ourselves. And with each act of kindness, we remind ourselves that healing is not an uphill battle but an unfolding process—one that brings us closer to ourselves with every step.
Reach out to us, we're here to accompany you on your journey toward emotional well-being. You are not alone.
Written by:
Allie Tortorella
Mental Health Counseling Intern
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